Friday, June 10, 2016

A Safe Place

Dear Autism Theater Program Director,

You have a PhD and "expertise"in emotional regulation in autism, yet your technique to assist my daughter in calming down was to shove her into a chair and whisper yell to her to "get control". You poured gasoline onto her fire and pushed her headfirst into meltdown mode.

She needed a full year after the damage you did before she would try another theater program.

Today, in a theater camp for typically developing kids, she was on stage for the third production since the mistake that was your "program" two years ago. Was her week without any bumps or rough spots? No. However, with no one around to treat her as if she is autistic, no one to shove her into a chair and threaten her, with no one to provoke her into a meltdown, and instead, surrounded by people who are reassuring, people who treat her anxiety with care and respect, she flourished.
My girl grew a LOT off stage this week, working through frustration and anxiety, and I am so grateful to the two musical theater camp directors who provide this safe place for her to learn and grow and to get some musical theater experience at the same time.

I love to see her perform on stage. She was a very amazing hummingbird today.




PS to the PhD at the autism theater program: I am still waiting for your call to check on my daughter. You said you'd call me tomorrow. That was two years ago.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Mother & Son, The Respect Effect


http://loveandrespect.info/mother-and-son-the-respect-effect/
I had an opportunity to review Emerson Eggerichs' new book.

As I read, Mother & Son, The Respect Effect by Emerson Eggerichs, PhD, I feel as if I am looking in a mirror. I suppose that I expected a one sided book about how males are, and instead, Eggerichs gives me quite a lot of information about how females are in contrast to how males are.

Eggericks teaches me that "Love-talk is the mother tongue of mothers." Yet, our boys' first language is that of respect. My entire framework, the lens through which I view life, is a lens of love and relationship. The men in my family view life through the lens and framework of respect. And love and respect are very different.

Hint: Appendix A at the back of the book is a quick start guide and I wish I had discovered it first as an overview. :) 

I recognize that my daughters are very different from my son, and I have wildly different relationships with each. I know that girls are different from boys in the way we process information and approach relationships, but I have never been able to define or qualify what makes interaction with my son so different. And in the first chapter, Eggerichs has me hooked. A-ha moment after a-ha moment. More than a little overwhelmed. A lot of the information applies to my relationship with my husband, too. I am convicted with a desire to change. I wish I had had this book a decade ago.

Eggerichs recognizes that this language of respect is not a mother's first language, and he reminds the reader that it is okay for this language of respect, this filter of respect, to not feel natural to a woman when her interaction filter is love. Eggerichs also reminds us that the differences are differences, not issues or right and wrong ways of communicating. He addresses a mother's resistance and the questions she might have in an entire chapter (chapter eleven).

There is so much to like about this book. Chapter 3, "A Game Plan" is about being a guide. RDI families who are familiar with guided participation in autism intervention will really appreciate this chapter. Eggerichs gives readers an acronym from GUIDES and helps us apply the concepts (along with the concepts in chapter four) throughout the book with lots of practical examples. (RDIers will love the examples of declarative statements.)

Eggerich's observation that many mothers say their boys ask, "Can we stop talking now?" is reassuring. It's not just me.

What if the son doesn't behave in a way that he deserves respect? Oh yes, Eggerichs addresses it here.

I know that some of my readers are secular homeschoolers who tend to be very selective before using a Christian resource, and from that viewpoint, Eggerichs does reference related scripture to provide a foundation and to illustrate his points, and yet it is not in an 'in your face', holier than thou, preachy kind of way. If you are not a Christian, you will find the material in the book helpful for parenting a child of the opposite gender. (Yes, there is enough info here for men to have some understanding of their daughters even though the focus is on moms with their sons.)

I urge you to go to http://loveandrespect.info/mother-and-son-the-respect-effect/ and watch the videos that Dr Eggerichs has produced for us. Scroll to the bottom and get the first three chapters free.

Love and Respect's facebook page is here.
The blog is here.

I am so glad I got the opportunity to review Mother & Son. I hope that I am able to take the information in it and make course corrections in myself that make for a stronger bond between the men in my life and me.

Penny

"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”):  I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.








Saturday, May 14, 2016

The LEAGUE and the LANTERN Review

https://leagueandlantern.com/
My homeschooler and I received a copy of "The League and the Lantern" to review. I always want to qualify the fact that I am reviewing from a special needs perspective. I am homeschooling a teenager who is on the autism spectrum. She has academic delays and we use materials meant for children who are younger than she is. She has been a reluctant reader in the past and will refuse to read if the book looks too difficult with too small print, too many words on a page. We review books as read alouds. My daughter has an unusual rule that she reads just four pages at a time and she will stop reading in the middle of a good part of the story if her four pages are up, which means we are not even halfway into the story. Part of the issue is that I stop her sometimes to check for meaing. When the character shuffles through a dark tunnel, does she know what "shuffles" means? Can she imagine not being able to see where she's going after an explosion? Does she realize that stumbling upon the "lifeless eyes of the redheaded security guard" means they found a dead body?

I am trying to work on her flexibility and occasionally can get her to read a little bit more, but often she tells me I have to wait to hear what comes next. There has not been a read aloud yet that she has gotten lost in enough to keep reading through the story and that is probably an autism thing. 
From an autism perspective or a special needs perspective, the chapters are relatively short. Visually, a lot of children would be able to finish a chapter of The League and the Lantern in one sitting (as opposed to reading four pages at a time). I do like how author Brian Wells made the chapters short. Now to convince the girl to read a chapter at a time rather than four pages. Easier said than done.

I knew this book was going to teach us a lot of interesting stuff when I read "heterochromia iridum" on page 4 in a description of one of the characters. When Wells mentions a matchbox, I wonder if any of my children have ever seen a box of matches and if they found one in the dark if they would know what it is? These are the kinds of stories I like, because they teach my daughter something as we figure out what new terms or unusual words mean. There are 140 key vocabulary words sprinkled in the text with historic sites offering more learning opportunities.

If you have quick access to the internet while you're reading together, you can look up terms together. What is "commando crawling"? You can show your child a video demonstration. There is much to learn here.

The book web site, btw, is packed with fun stuff. The bonus material is especially fun (I think of it as "value added" to the story).

More added value is the fact that the by buying one book, you participate in a  buy one - give one campaign to get books into the hands of kids who cannot afford their own copies. List price of this 282 page hardbook is $17.99.


Since we haven't finished with the book yet, I'll borrow the synopsis from the publicity materials:
The League and the Lantern is the first book in a new adventure series for middle-school readers. It all starts when a dangerous organization invades Jake Herndon’s seventh-grade sleepover. He escapes along with two new classmates, Lucy and TJ, only to face a 48-hour fight for survival on the streets of Chicago. The kids unravel a mystery dating back to the Civil War, and an incredible secret about Jake’s family. Along the way they learn unexpected lessons about courage, family and friendship.
We live in an area of the country where Civil War battles were fought (and lost) and we keep adding to our knowledge about the war. The League and the Lantern is interesting to us because of the Civil War history. (The bonus features on the book web site take us to more history.) I get a little more nerdy about Civil War history all the time and the tidbits in this adventure add more to my nerd factor.

Caution: The book is a thriller, and some of the story may scare some sensitive children. I would not have liked it as a child. I have children who loved this type of material.

The book is 'clean', no cursing, no dating relationships. Wells's storytelling is inviting, and as I read ahead of where my daughter and I are in our read-aloud, I want to keep going at the end of each chapter. Learning that author Brian Wells is employed in network television comes as no surprise. He knows how weave a tale. Honestly, I am concerned that my girl will miss a lot of the meaning in the story at this point because of her delays (a heads up for those of you whose children w special needs struggle with reading), however, I am enjoying how the story plays out. I wish the series had been available when my kids were little. They would have loved this.

Thank you, Brian Wells, for the autographed and numbered copy of the book!

"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

A Troubled Child

Today, I read this note from a parent in a group on Facebook. It is such a gem I asked that parent if I could share it here on my blog. The parent graciously said yes. And if you have not yet read "Lost At School" by Ross Greene, PhD, I highly recommend it, as it is about the skills mentioned below.
Last night my child told the therapist "I am a 'troubled' child." And the therapist looked at my child and said "You are not "troubled", you are here to learn skills, there is nothing wrong with you." And my child said "Other kids already have these skills." And she said "some kids need help learning to read, or with math, and everyone learns at a different pace and gets help when and where they need it."
 So much better than the old therapist who told me my child was just being manipulative and needed harsher consequences.

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Under The Sea Holy Bible Review & Giveaway


Even though it is marketed to children ages 6-10, my teenage homeschooler with ASD and I are enjoying the Under The Sea Holy Bible from Zondervan (list price $24.99). You never know about Bibles for kids. Will it be cheesy? Silly? Inviting? You never know until you get to open it and use it.

As soon as I opened the package, I find a sensory perk. The front cover and book spine illustrations are textured. I like to run my fingers over them. I suspect sensory kiddos will enjoy that feature.

The New International Reader's Version is attractive to my daughter, who can be a reluctant reader. Too much text on a page and she sometimes shuts down. The NIrV is designed to be very easy to understand. I gave my daughter the Under The Sea Holy Bible and told her we get to review it and the next thing I knew (same evening) she came to me and told me she read the first 12 chapters and she narrated aloud what she'd read. I am impressed.

A lot of stories and concepts about religion and from the Bible are difficult for children and sometimes for individuals on the autism spectrum. I continue to search for resources that are inviting and fun for my daughter with ASD. One feature of the Under the Sea Holy Bible is that it makes some difficult concepts easier to understand. See the Ten Commandments to the left as one example.

I like the page that spotlights children in the Bible in a sort of scavenger hunt style where the clue peaks curiosity and sends the child looking for the answer if she doesn't already know the answer.

The Under The Sea Bible has six of these colorful, illustrated pages that outline a topic or concept. There's even a page that outlines the ABCs of becoming a Christian. (Admit Believe Confess).

The NIrV is easy to understand and I suspect it may become my daughter's preferred version. We have enjoyed having this item to review

The hardback is available at Barnes & Noble, Walmart, and Family Christian Stores.

You can follow Zondervan on Facebook and Twitter.



"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.
 Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won a prize from our sponsor Propeller / FlyBy Promotions in the last 30 days, you are not eligible to win. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.”

I have a copy to give away to U.S. and Canadian readers. Just comment for an entry. I will choose a winner, Monday, April 11th, 2016. Please comment to enter!
 

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Icing On The Cake

Last night, at a high school away game, in the baseball park where our boys were playing, we found an empty dugout and settled our teenager with autism in there to play video games. Her brother was playing with his team on a neighboring field.



I saw a young coach approach the field where our child was hiding from the noise in the dugout. I went to talk to him. This coach arrived to lead his team of 11 yr olds in practice on the field where my teen w asd was using the dugout as a retreat from the noise. I asked if he attends the high school whose fields we were using. He told me he is a freshman at the nearby university majoring in business. He said to leave our teen w/ autism in the dugout, that he'd have his kids put their gear just outside the dugout during practice. And he mentioned he has a brother on the autism spectrum, too.

I blinked back tears. Away games are a big challenge because of the unknowns and uncertainty. Will there be a quiet place for her to retreat if the noise is overwhelming? Last night, the answer was a warm and welcoming "yes". And the icing on the cake: our boys won both games, too!


Wednesday, March 23, 2016

New Mercies

My teenager with ASD has so much going on inside her head. Sometimes, she gives me a glimpse inside. On a drive to an away baseball game earlier in the week, she began recalling a lot of times when her father or I had been very angry with her. When she spilled a 2 gal jug of milk all over the kitchen floor (and hives popped up every where the milk splashed on her legs).  She removed a dirty diaper and played in poop.  She was between two and three when she dropped the milk. And two or younger playing w poop.

She recounted quite a few memories. I told her that her father and I don't remember those moments any more and we don't hold them against her. I reminded her of the verse where God gives us new chances every morning. Once the event is past, we are done with it. And I explained the Bible tells us that is how God is. He doesn't keep a record of our wrongs. Once we ask for forgiveness and try to do better, He forgets.

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a]
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:22-23 English Standard Version

A good reminder for me, too. Let go of the negative memories of times I messed up. My Heavenly Father lets them go.

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Glimmer Girls Review & Giveaway

You may recognize the name Natalie Grant from the world of music. Grant is also a wife, mom, and author.

My homeschooler and I got an opportunity to review two books in Natalie Grant's new book series aimed at girls age 9-12. Yes, my homeschooler is older than 12, and books written for younger children still appeal to her. If you have a child with academic delays, using reading materials developed for younger children can help build success and confidence in comprehension and literacy skills.

We are using the two chapter books as a read aloud. I am a little bit embarrassed to admit that I learned something right off the bat in the first book, "London Art Chase". I thought Big Ben is a clock. Big Ben is the name for the bells in the tower. You are never to old to learn something new.

When Grant mentions Rachmanioff's Piano Concerto No. 3 or Pachelbel's Canon, we can find them on the internet to take a listen. I am thrilled with the amount of homeschooling mileage we are getting from our brief daily read alouds. My girl recognized Pachalbel's Canon. That makes me happy.

The books are small enough to hold easily, to slip into a tote bag for a baseball game or the a waiting room, and the print is good size. There are not too many words on a page for the reluctant reader who balks when the print is small and jammed onto the pages. The visual of the page is important in working with reluctant readers who judge a book's difficulty by how difficult and crowded the pages are. There are a few black and white illustrations in each book. They are paperback, approximately 200 pages, and retail for $8.99 each. They would make a great gift for an Easter basket!

Grant says:
 "Glimmer Girls is a fiction series that I have created with my daughters. The storyline is about three girls who go on tour with their singing mom. I have no idea where I came up with that plot! It’s fun for my little girls to help with the content because they actually live that life. Glimmer is the last name of the family, but it also has a special meaning. It is a light that is never extinguished. Sometimes it may glimmer a little bit brighter, sometimes it may glimmer a little bit dimmer, but it never goes out. I felt like that was such a perfect description for all of us. We all have a light on the inside and depending on the day, sometimes it’s bright and sometimes it’s dim. That is the message I wanted girls to get from this book. You don’t always have to be shining bright, some days are going to be more difficult than others, but Jesus has put a light in you that will never go out.”
 Grant uses word pictures that give my homeschooler and I opportunities to discuss. The very first image in the first book, "A clothes tornado" had me stopping my reader to discuss what that might be. One neat coincidence is that my homeschooler is a twin and there is a set of twins in the stories. My twins have an older sister; the twins in the story have a younger sister.

Author Grant does a really nice job at weaving facts into fiction. We can put the story down and look up Big Ben or Trafalgar Square. We are not too far into the first book (my homeschooler has been battling strep throat since we received the books about a week ago) but the story draws us in and peaks our curiosity about the facts in the book. The reference to clotted cream during tea reminded us of a SpongeBob episode. (silly, but true)

As I peek ahead in the story, I see a chapter that involves the girls knocking over an expensive cello in what was a challenging day. Her mom helps her pray about the situation. I hope that storyline is helpful to my girl. She is so hard on herself sometimes.

We are really enjoying the story and look forward to "A Dolphin Wish", too.

Sidebar: If Natalie Grant reads these reviews, Natalie, I have a teenage daughter on the autism spectrum with an amazing singing voice and a desire to be a voice actress one day and we live near where you live. If you ever animate a series and need a voice for a character, I have someone to recommend. :)



Giveaways are open to residents of the U.S. and Canada.

SOCIAL CORNER
Website: http://www.faithgirlz.com/glimmer-girls/ 
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Faithgirlz
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/zkidzfaithgirlz/
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I have a set of books to giveaway. Comment for an entry. I'll pick a winner, Monday, March 21st.
"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post. Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won a prize from our sponsor Propeller / FlyBy Promotions in the last 30 days, you are not eligible to win. Or if you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.”

Friday, March 11, 2016

Dear Brenda Chapman

Dear Brenda Chapman,

This is a letter from one mother to another.

One of my daughters is on the autism spectrum. Individuals on the autism spectrum are known for having intense special interests. This child (she would argue that she is not a child; she is a teenager!) is a movie and musical expert and can recite facts that would blow your mind. Watching the Oscars or Golden Globes with her is always interesting because she can tell you odd facts about the nominees and the winners. "He directed _______________ in 19__!" or "He voiced ______________ in the animated movie ______________ in 19__!" Her memory is incredible.

My teen who has an autism spectrum disorder was so frightened by one of the scenes in "Brave" that you wrote and directed that she continues to be upset about it. I wonder if and how we could reach out to you to ask if you'd talk to my kid about it. Sometimes, my girl expresses the desire to tell you exactly how deeply that scene frightened her. The scenes intrude and repeat when she is sick. It is sign of pain and or illness. (PANDAS sucks, btw.) I hate it for her. She hates it.

She wants to tell you, and I quote her directly,

"I wish you'd never made 'Brave' in the first place!!"

(Interestingly, she adores "Prince of Egypt". Thank you for that.)

My girl says she hates Emma Thompson, too, for voicing Elinor, but she hates you more for writing the scary scene. She'd like to talk to Emma Thompson, too, about why she chose to voice the character. My girl with autism thinks that writers and directors and actors and actresses are easy to reach on the phone or internet. I haven't been able to convince her otherwise.

Yes, I've talked about how 'brave' Elinor was to break the tradition for her daughter. Yes, I've talked about how the mother and daughter made up in the end. And about how 'brave' Merida was to stand up to her parents and to tradition. The story is about Elinor's journey as well as Merida's. And it was meant to make money, sell tickets, sell DVDs, not to scare viewers. We destroyed the DVD we owned. I have tried every angle I can think of. Yes, I have. Endlessly. Over-analyzed and over-explained the whole thing. Your writing and directing combined with the animation and voice are too real. Doesn't help that my friends say Elinor resembles an animated version of me. Strep and PANDAS and pain and illness still bring up the scene and the feelings with it, though, and no amount of rationalization has helped. She thinks talking to the author may help. *shrug* I don't know.

I continue to try. Keep reading:

My teenager, homeschooler, who has autism and a long list of developmental and academic delays and co-occurring conditions, the one who regressed and lost words and interaction, recently came up with the idea that something must have happened in Elinor's childhood. If you know anything about autism, this is a very big deal. Individuals with autism often have difficulty perspective taking. So for her to suggest that Elinor had an experience from her past that affected the way she behaved as a mother - well, that's a huge amount of perspective taking.

I suggested to my girl that she write a prequel to "Brave" that reveals why Elinor behaved the way she did. (I try to sneak in homeschooling wherever I can. *smile*) We've been discussing different possibilities of what might have happened when Elinor was a girl that made her so rigid and out of control in the ugly, frightening moment in "Brave". And today, Miss A wrote her first story line. Today is the first time that she put anything on paper. It doesn't seemed to have stopped the intrusive thoughts. But she is broadening her thinking process. And that is a positive. Brenda Chapman, do you have google alerts set for your name? That's the only way you'd ever see this. And if you see this and if you should ever write and direct a prequel to "Brave", I can connect you with a young lady with some good ideas to get you started. She'd be thrilled to collaborate. That same young lady sometimes thinks she'd like to be a voice actress, so she might be able to help you out in that capacity as well.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Not Necessary

Individuals on the autism spectrum sometimes repeat words and phrases they're heard. Echoing. Echolalia. Lines from movies are often repeated and sometimes as delayed echolalia. And sometimes, the movie lines are inappropriate.

Saturday, at the high school baseball scrimmage, the person running the music and movie clips and sound effects thought a Chris Farley quote is funny. I found it here.

That clip, while humorous to some, is not humorous to me. It is immature. It is inappropriate stuff for my kid with autism to repeat. It is not a necessary element for a high school baseball game.

All I want to do is to be there when my boy plays ball. This new ballpark "atmosphere" makes it difficult.
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