"HOME by your family's definition should not become a therapeutic service center in which spouses and siblings are excluded."
Monday, October 12, 2009
One definition of home
Pondering Attachment and ASD
from "Hold on to Your Kids WHY PARENTS NEED TO MATTER MORE THAN PEERS" by Gordon Neufeld, PhD and Gabor Mate' MD.
From page 65: "When the child experiences his need for proximity in physical terms -- as very young children do -- attachment serves as an invisible leash." ...
"For the most part, however, this attachment programming gives us great freedom. Instead of having to keep our eye on the child continuously, we can afford to take the lead and trust in his instincts to make him follow." ...
from page 66:
"The child's instincts to keep close to us can get in our way and frustrate us. We do not welcome the work of attachment when it is separation we crave, whether for purposes of work, school, s*x, sanity, or sleep. Our society is so topsy-turvy that we may actually come to value the child's willingness to separate more than her instincts for closeness. Unfortunately, we cannot have it both ways. Parents whose young children are not properly attached face a nightmare scenario just keeping the child in plain sight. We should be thankful for the assistance attachment provides in holding our children close. If we had to do all the work, we would never be able to get on with the sundry other duties that parenting involves. We need to learn to parent in harmony with this design rather than fight against it."
From page 65: "When the child experiences his need for proximity in physical terms -- as very young children do -- attachment serves as an invisible leash." ...
"For the most part, however, this attachment programming gives us great freedom. Instead of having to keep our eye on the child continuously, we can afford to take the lead and trust in his instincts to make him follow." ...
from page 66:
"The child's instincts to keep close to us can get in our way and frustrate us. We do not welcome the work of attachment when it is separation we crave, whether for purposes of work, school, s*x, sanity, or sleep. Our society is so topsy-turvy that we may actually come to value the child's willingness to separate more than her instincts for closeness. Unfortunately, we cannot have it both ways. Parents whose young children are not properly attached face a nightmare scenario just keeping the child in plain sight. We should be thankful for the assistance attachment provides in holding our children close. If we had to do all the work, we would never be able to get on with the sundry other duties that parenting involves. We need to learn to parent in harmony with this design rather than fight against it."
# # #
another excerpt:
"The desire for sameness with important attachment figures leads to some of a child's most significant and spontaneous learning experiences, even though closeness, not learning, is the underlying motivation. Such learning occurs without either the parent having much conscious intent of teaching or the child of studying. In the absence of attachment, the learning is labored and the teaching forced. Think of the work that would be involved if each word the child acquired had to be deliberately taught by the parent, each behavior consciously shaped, each attitude intentionally inculculated. The burden of parenting would be overwhelming. Attachment accomplishes these tasks automatically, with relatively little effort required from either parent or child. Attachment provides power-assisted learning--how delightful it is, many people have found, to study a new language when in love with the charming instructor! Whether we know it or not, as parents and teachers we rely heavily on attachment to make models out of us."
page 67 of Hold On to Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, by Gordon Neufeld, PhD and Gabor Mate' MD
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Development and Decisions; Seeking Opportunities
In August, my suspicions were confirmed. I was not imagining things. Our RDI(r) Program Certified Consultant confirmed what I knew. (We saw our consultant in August for a few days of assessment and treatment planning. We see her in person every few months and communication via phone and internet in between.)
My 10-year-old who was diagnosed w/ an autism spectrum disorder just after her second birthday, is closing the gap, developmentally.
In two-and-a-half years, we've made approximately four years progress by focusing on changing ourselves as parents, in a "do-over" of the parent/child relationship, by giving her opportunities to experience communication with others on the same developmental pathway that babies travel.
We learned the hard way that giving her words via a behavioral program didn't bring with it reciprocity, interaction, dialogue or conversation. For too many years, she was a one-sided word machine and a bit robotic and prompt dependent, too.
We learned to slow ourselves down (sometimes I am still learning) and give her both processing time and reaction time, so that she could take her own unprompted, unscripted action in reciprocity with us, with a heavy non-verbal focus for a long time.
Non-verbal interaction and reciprocity are prototypes for dialogue and conversation. And giving a child experience in non-verbal interaction and reciprocity will bring conversation and dialogue naturally, without directly working on conversation and dialogue. (Who knew?!)
So, my princess is interacting a lot like a typical four year old now. She's a fifth grader by age, but her same-age peers have had more experience communicating, processing non-verbal and verbal simultaneously, and same-age peers process the back-and-forth of interaction much faster than a four year old. She can't keep up with it all when immersed in a setting with fifth graders.
I have spent the past year using products marketed to homeschoolers and reviewing them here on my blog. In that year at home with my princess, I have gotten a hands-on education in where she is, developmentally and academically, along with a hands-on education about some products that work for her because they keep me teaching her where she is, developmentally. I've made a lot of discoveries about myself and about my child.
One of the reasons I withdrew her from public school is the public school's insistence upon putting her with same-age peers when she isn't processing information the same as a same-age peer. She's not processing academics at a same-age level, nor is she processing interpersonal and intrapersonal interactions at a same-age level. But she's doing quite nicely in her do-over, right on track, as she's closing the gap, at a pre-K level.
She's ready to add peers and a teacher to the mix. There's more attention shifting and attention sharing there, more perspective taking, more self-regulation and self-control required. But she needs a place where she can be competent in all areas. Competent understanding the material that is being presented. Competent interacting with the teacher and the peers. Competent comprehending directions and non-verbal cues.
Now we need opportunities for her to practice and interact with peers at her level. That's what we do with preschoolers -- we plan play dates and find a good preschool. Mostly, I want her at home, with her dad and siblings and me. No, I'm not considering a return to school.
But what do we do with a 10 year old who needs that same experience in a do-over?
She needs information presented to her at a pace and educational level that she is able to process successfully. She needs to be with peers who are "possible" for her. ("Possible" is a Dr Jim term, from Communicating Partners.)
She needs groups and organizations who are willing to adapt to her needs, instead of expecting her to adapt to their rigid ideas and programs that mimic grade levels in public school systems. Flexibility. Thinking outside the box. That's what we need. Slowly, we're leaving behind programs that are rigid and unwilling to adapt.
I'm looking for those opportunities -- homeschooling is giving us some possibilities. Some churches are more open to allowing a 10 year old to attend a much younger class. Some are less open to that idea, expecting the child to adapt to their "box" of a program. Art, music, some sports may offer opportunities, too.
I'm looking for those opportunities and for the people to allow the opportunities to happen.
My 10-year-old who was diagnosed w/ an autism spectrum disorder just after her second birthday, is closing the gap, developmentally.
In two-and-a-half years, we've made approximately four years progress by focusing on changing ourselves as parents, in a "do-over" of the parent/child relationship, by giving her opportunities to experience communication with others on the same developmental pathway that babies travel.
We learned the hard way that giving her words via a behavioral program didn't bring with it reciprocity, interaction, dialogue or conversation. For too many years, she was a one-sided word machine and a bit robotic and prompt dependent, too.
We learned to slow ourselves down (sometimes I am still learning) and give her both processing time and reaction time, so that she could take her own unprompted, unscripted action in reciprocity with us, with a heavy non-verbal focus for a long time.
Non-verbal interaction and reciprocity are prototypes for dialogue and conversation. And giving a child experience in non-verbal interaction and reciprocity will bring conversation and dialogue naturally, without directly working on conversation and dialogue. (Who knew?!)
So, my princess is interacting a lot like a typical four year old now. She's a fifth grader by age, but her same-age peers have had more experience communicating, processing non-verbal and verbal simultaneously, and same-age peers process the back-and-forth of interaction much faster than a four year old. She can't keep up with it all when immersed in a setting with fifth graders.
I have spent the past year using products marketed to homeschoolers and reviewing them here on my blog. In that year at home with my princess, I have gotten a hands-on education in where she is, developmentally and academically, along with a hands-on education about some products that work for her because they keep me teaching her where she is, developmentally. I've made a lot of discoveries about myself and about my child.
One of the reasons I withdrew her from public school is the public school's insistence upon putting her with same-age peers when she isn't processing information the same as a same-age peer. She's not processing academics at a same-age level, nor is she processing interpersonal and intrapersonal interactions at a same-age level. But she's doing quite nicely in her do-over, right on track, as she's closing the gap, at a pre-K level.
She's ready to add peers and a teacher to the mix. There's more attention shifting and attention sharing there, more perspective taking, more self-regulation and self-control required. But she needs a place where she can be competent in all areas. Competent understanding the material that is being presented. Competent interacting with the teacher and the peers. Competent comprehending directions and non-verbal cues.
Now we need opportunities for her to practice and interact with peers at her level. That's what we do with preschoolers -- we plan play dates and find a good preschool. Mostly, I want her at home, with her dad and siblings and me. No, I'm not considering a return to school.
But what do we do with a 10 year old who needs that same experience in a do-over?
She needs information presented to her at a pace and educational level that she is able to process successfully. She needs to be with peers who are "possible" for her. ("Possible" is a Dr Jim term, from Communicating Partners.)
She needs groups and organizations who are willing to adapt to her needs, instead of expecting her to adapt to their rigid ideas and programs that mimic grade levels in public school systems. Flexibility. Thinking outside the box. That's what we need. Slowly, we're leaving behind programs that are rigid and unwilling to adapt.
I'm looking for those opportunities -- homeschooling is giving us some possibilities. Some churches are more open to allowing a 10 year old to attend a much younger class. Some are less open to that idea, expecting the child to adapt to their "box" of a program. Art, music, some sports may offer opportunities, too.
I'm looking for those opportunities and for the people to allow the opportunities to happen.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
How Can My Kid SUCCEED in SCHOOL? (a Wiley review)
"She's just lazy!" "He keeps making stupid mistakes in his math homework."
"She is impulsive and rushes through assignments and makes careless mistakes."
"I know he's smart, but he doesn't apply himself."
"She doesn't listen to the instructions."
"He's so disorganized!"
If you are the parent or teacher who has ever thought or said one of these sentences about a student, here is the book for you:
"How Can My Kid SUCCEED in SCHOOL? What Parents and Teachers Can Do to CONQUER LEARNING PROBLEMS" by Craig Pohlman, Ph.D. ($19.95 from Jossey-Bass Teacher, a division of Wiley) is an incredibly helpful resource for parents and teachers who have a struggling student.
Pohlman approaches student struggles from a neurodevelopmental perspective, and he teaches readers about development as he teaches us how to become observers and detectives as we help our struggling learners.
"Profiles, not labels and diagnostic categories, are what we all should be using to describe learners." Pohlman tells readers in the introduction of the book.
I agree with him.Pohlman uses words that a laymom can understand, defining and describing terms from psychology and education in ways that are useful. Many of us as parents have had to sit through meetings and IEP's where we heard staff members describe in great detail our child's weaknesses and problems. Pohlman does us a huge favor: He teases apart the functions that contribute to student success (or lack of it) including attention, organization, memory for the reader in a way that illuminates a student's strengths, too.
I am seeing all of my children in new ways because of Pohlman. I even see *ME* in the pages.
He uses case studies and examples to illustrate terms and concepts, allowing me to see how one part of a student's memory or attention might be working well and another part of memory or attention may be faulty or developmentally delayed. And in the following chapter, he gives us ideas on how to help the child based upon the profile that we see through our observations and detective work. He does the same for teachers at school in two more chapters, cautioning us to avoid jumping to conclusions, and instead gather lots of information before trying to interpret it.
I love the fact that Pohlman does not consider struggling students "lazy" or "careless" or "manipulative" or "behavior problems"!
He describes challenges in a way that readers can recognize strengths and weaknesses and in following chapters, he describes ways we can go about helping the child with intervention and accommodations. He's big on modeling for a child, and he suggests creative games to grow weak functions.
I like this book! (!!!!!) I have underlined passages and written notes in the margins, and there are sections that I've revisited to digest the material again. It's a really practical guide to helping a student who is struggling, beginning with how to recognize what's what and following through with how to use strengths and accommodations to strengthen the weaknesses over time. I did not know how critical long-term memory is for math, and I certainly have a new focus for one of my children in that area.
In Chapter 4, Picking Strategies for the Classroom, the first of several starting pointers is so important to both parents and educators: "View these strategies as course corrections, not add-ons." It's a philosophy I've come to embrace, and yet I still need to be reminded of this point.
Since my child qualified for special education services more than eight years ago, I've never seen information that describes for me how to go about "smart shopping" for educational assessments. Pohlman gives us an entire chapter on choosing the right expert plus chapters on "Getting the Most Out of the Assessment Process" and "Using What You've Learned from the Assessment". Pohlman walks a parent through what to say to a clinician who is intent on labeling a child as opposed to providing a "thorough description of ... strengths and weaknesses". The entire table of contents is here.
Pohlman provides a profile worksheet and a handy reference section at the back of the book. If you're like me, you'll be flipping back and forth, referencing and cross referencing sections and writing in the margins. Maybe you'll read it with a highlighter in one hand.
Sometimes, books are not worth the money and shelf space at home, and I think I'm better off borrowing the book from the library for a short term read. This one's a KEEPER -- one for the shelves at home, one to refer to again and again.
Friday, October 9, 2009
National Ichthyosis Awareness Week
Sometimes, I am so wrapped up in autism that I forget that there many families live with other challenges.
TOS Crew First Mate "Midwest Mama" says that "ichthyosis can take you by surprise. No one in our family had ever even heard of Ichthyosis until Peter was born." I'd not heard of it until I met the Midwest Mama last year on the Crew.
This week is National Ichthyosis Awareness Week. Please take a moment to read about it.
TOS Crew First Mate "Midwest Mama" says that "ichthyosis can take you by surprise. No one in our family had ever even heard of Ichthyosis until Peter was born." I'd not heard of it until I met the Midwest Mama last year on the Crew.
This week is National Ichthyosis Awareness Week. Please take a moment to read about it.
A new find: So Delicious Coconut Milk Beverage
A new find worth sharing: I bought this at, of all places, Kroger -- and my GFCF princess had some over Koala Krisp Cereal for breakfast this morning. I had some in my coffee. I can't wait to bake with it. Click on the photo to go to the company web site where you can see the ingredient lists and sign up for coupons.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Guardian Angel Publishing, A TOS Crew Review
Guardian Angel Publishing sent me five e-books in pdf download format so that I could use them and review them for my blog readers. I light of recent FTC changes that are coming, I want to make perfectly clear -- Guarding Angel Publishing provided me these books free to test and use in order to write this review.
They sent me quite a variety, which served as an introduction to a company with which I was not familiar.
Guardian Angel Publishing's web site provides a summary of what the company does:
"Where our publishing goals are to lovingly create fun, affordable and educational eBook computer experiences, great print books for your preschoolers and primary age children. And to embed positive, loving and worthwhile meaning into these books. Education and Learning are our goals! "
Books are geared for infants through children 12 years old -- and Guardian Angel Publishing sells chapter books for tweens and teens, although we did not review any books for that age group.
###
Andy & Spirit Go To The Fair by Mary Jean Kelso, illustrated by K.C. Snider, is a 24 page (page count includes front and back covers) e-book available as a pdf download for $5. CD and book versions are available at additional cost. The link will take you to a page where readers may look inside the book.
I like the Andy & Spirit series because it encompasses disabilities, inclusion, bullies, dealing with anxiety, and meeting a challenge.
Andy happens to be in a wheelchair. We don't have to be in a wheelchair to relate to this line from the story: "Sometimes a task that most kids would take in their stride seemed overwhelming to Andy. Getting his body to cooperate with his mind could sometimes be a problem."
Additionally, a child in a wheelchair has an obvious difference, and yet is so much MORE LIKE the rest of us than different. Sometimes, we run into people who don't understand the differences; sometimes we encounter a bully, and Andy and Spirit encounter one in this story. (Spirit has something different, too. I do wish the author hadn't use the term "something wrong" when referring to this difference.)
It's a story nicely done, maybe a little too wordy for my homeschooler from a developmental standpoint, with lots of new vocabulary words for us. I think a lot of readers will identify with Andy. A feature that I think is really neat is the clickable links at the end of the story that take readers to more information about 4-H and wild horses.
###
EARTHQUAKE!, written by Susan J Berge, illustrated by Eugene Rubel, is also priced at $5.00 for the pdf download. It's 30 pages from cover to cover. Suggested audience is 6-9 year olds.
This book for early-elementary age children explains the layers of the earth, tells about plates, which leads to an explanation about why earthquakes occur. The book includes earthquake terms, factoids, an experiement, and preparation and safety information for both parents and children. Readers get a lesson on what the numbers on the Mercalli and Richter scales mean.
I think the preparedness info is scary and necessary -- and it's presented in a kid friendly format. If you've never talked to your children about earthquake preparedness, about what to do in the event of an earthquake, particularly if you are separated at the time of a quake, this book is a resource for helping you do that at a kid-friendly level.
###
Stubby's Destiny, written by Dixie Phillips and illustrated by Kim Sponaugle is an award winning book for children, 22 pages long (including front and back cover) in e-book format, priced at $5, with a CD version and a print version available for around $10 + shipping, and a DVD in the works.
Stubby is an orphaned donkey with low self esteem who compares himself to something he's not, the stallions. This Easter story has Stubby carrying the King Jesus into town at the beginning of Passover (although "Easter" and "Jesus" and "Passover" are not mentioned in the story). The pictures are delightful; the words and story are simple -- definitely something for a young reader.
###
The Sum of Our Parts: No Bones About it is a 30 page (including front and back cover) e-book priced at $5.00 for the pdf download. I think the cover is a little spooky looking.
I homeschool a child whose anxiety grows higher in proportion to more words and text on a page when we are reading together. I like this book about bones because it packs a lot of information into a format that doesn't look "wordy". It doesn't overwhelm my child. There are factoids on the sides of the pages, drawings of whatever bone is being discussed, and a rhyming poem on each page. We never try to read everything on the page in one reading. One time, we look at just the factoids. Another time, we look at just the poems. In terms of shared reading, it's been a good choice for us.
###
The 26 page Hamster Holidays, Noun and Adjective Adventures by Cynthia Reeg with illustrations by Kit Grady is a playful tool for spotlighting nouns and adjectives.
###
My mind wanders ahead and I make all sorts of mental notes in addition to what I've already noticed about each book. The Andy & Spirit series would work with a unit study on horses. The bones book fits with a nutrition study. We're not quite ready to study nouns and adjectives, but the repetitive theme of the hamster book fits our needs now (and later).
My local library has fallen short at times, and a quick e-book pdf download from Guardian Angel Publishing is one solution to finding the right book to compliment a unit study or to learn more about a topic.
I still don't like the e-book format enough to prefer it, but I am getting more comfortable with it. The longer and more wordy the book, the more I dislike an e-book. As technology moves toward e-books with electronic readers and laptops, our children are going to use e-books more and more, and using Guardian Angel Publishing is one way to ease the family along the e-book pathway.
Be sure to check out the free e-books on the web site. The Guardian Angel Publishing web site is slightly cumbersome to me --yet, I think there's something for a lot of us there. (I'd like books arranged by age/level there.) I encourage you to take the time to click over there and take a look. I found some really useful books there as I browsed. You can't beat a $5 book -- it's a good value if you can leave it in e-book format. (Printing some of the colorful books makes that option less of a value, and I'd rather purchase the hard copy than print from a pdf.) The company offers buyers a peek inside each book and buyers can see which books are sold at retailers in old-fashioned, hold-in-your-hands, BOOK format. It's definitely a web site worth my bookmarking for later.
To read what my Crewmates have to say about Guardian Angel Press and the different books they received, go here.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Spinning
My daughter -- the one who was diagnosed w/ an autism spectrum disorder as a toddler -- enjoys spinning on a platform swing. (Here's a link to a photo of one, in case you aren't familar w/ them.)
Standing, sitting, or lying down -- she will spin and spin and spin. She gets the vestibular input to her nervous system that she craves.
Here's what I don't understand. On ice skates, she has resisted learning to spin, even slow, controlled spinning.
Why is one kind of spinning preferred? And what can we do to help her feel comfortable spinning on figure skates on the ice? If you have any ideas or hints, please, pass them along to me!
I suspect that spinning on a platform swing is very passive for her. It's a form of entertainment, where she doesn't have to use her body, her self, and actively participate. Spinning on skates is entirely different -- she's not being passively entertained.
I've told our skating coach several times how that, once we find a new occupational therapist, we can ask that OT for suggestions.
Yesterday, we met a new OT for an assessment before we begin at a new clinic.
Guess what we learned during our hour with her? She has a daughter who figure skates, too, with the same name as my skating princess. Ironic, huh? The coincidences don't stop there. We share the same training facility and the same private coach, too.
Standing, sitting, or lying down -- she will spin and spin and spin. She gets the vestibular input to her nervous system that she craves.
Here's what I don't understand. On ice skates, she has resisted learning to spin, even slow, controlled spinning.
Why is one kind of spinning preferred? And what can we do to help her feel comfortable spinning on figure skates on the ice? If you have any ideas or hints, please, pass them along to me!
I suspect that spinning on a platform swing is very passive for her. It's a form of entertainment, where she doesn't have to use her body, her self, and actively participate. Spinning on skates is entirely different -- she's not being passively entertained.
I've told our skating coach several times how that, once we find a new occupational therapist, we can ask that OT for suggestions.
Yesterday, we met a new OT for an assessment before we begin at a new clinic.
Guess what we learned during our hour with her? She has a daughter who figure skates, too, with the same name as my skating princess. Ironic, huh? The coincidences don't stop there. We share the same training facility and the same private coach, too.
:)
Monday, October 5, 2009
Nature Friend Magazine, a TOS Crew Review
I have seen many advertisements for "Nature Friend" magazine and wondered if it is as beautiful in person as it appears to be in ads.
IT IS.
"Nature Friend Magazine is a creation-based, monthly nature magazine for children..." according to the Nature Friend web site.
The photographs -- they're the first thing you notice because there's a big one on the cover -- are absolutely breathtaking. Click here for samples.
Inside the magazine are more photos, stories, poems, and facts about nature. Every other month features material geared toward older readers. Nature Friend publishes submissions from it's readers. too.
It's homeschool friendly, but not just for homeschoolers.
A regular feature is the "how to draw" page. In August, readers learn to draw a sunflower and in September, readers learn to draw a black bear.
The magazine is available in two formats, WITH a study guide ($60/year); or withOUT a study guide ($36/year).
In the magazine (withOUT the study guide), there are articles, hidden picture pages, puzzles, submissions from readers. The study guide contains more material for families to use. Sample study guides are available here.
There are no advertisements inside.
We were given by Nature Friend two copies to review: August 2009 and September 2009 magazines WITH the study guide. August's issue is 27 pages long without the study guide; that study guide is 12 pages. September's magazine is 23 pages in length with an 8 page study guide.
The articles and activities are really well done and they're just long enough to not overwhelm the child who perceives everything as too long or too difficult.
Nature Friend has a little something for everyone in the family. The photos are unbelievable -- absolutely beautiful! The activities are "RDI-able" (we do word searches and puzzles together) and are appropriate for workboxes. The surprise value of not knowing what you're going to get each month, while knowing it's going to be something spectacular-is high.
Save $3 by using the coupon code BLOG93.
We enjoyed Nature Friend magazine! For reviews of my Crewmates of this product, go HERE.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Another Disney on Ice! 60 Characters / 24 Songs!
Opening set
My skating princess
Six months ago, on the way home from Disney on Ice,
she began asking me for skating lessons.
My skating princess and me.
We met her coach and her coach's mom.
Big sis and a friend were with us, too!
We met her coach and her coach's mom.
Big sis and a friend were with us, too!
Opening number...
Aladdin...
Finding Nemo...
Beauty and the Beast...
Toy Story...
It's a Small World...
Immediately following intermission...
Pinnocchio...
Mulan...
The Incredibles!
Lion King...
FINALE!
What a fun show!
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