She needs lots and lots and lots of those little successful (competent) moments like that. She needs practice.
We've given her practice with all the foundations she needs to be competent in interactions like the ones that happened last night, that are largely nonverbal.
By giving her experience and practice - without directions or prompts - by using ourselves differently, by using ourselves in ways that allow her to be an active participant with us, by slowing down, using fewer words and less "talk", and allowing her time to process and to move her body into positions to coordinate with ours, to allow her the time she needs to feel herself taking an action, to turn her own head, to shift her own gaze, to reach, to move into place, etc etc etc, she was able to very naturally position herself for that "volleyball" game and for the "hot potato" type game they played next.
No, she's not ready for 30-40 pre-teens at the community pool (I was quite down that night ) but she did great in a quiet setting at the ballpark w/ up to 7 or 8 other kids.
PS: Now may be the time I need to locate "The Games Bible" and find some ideas. I bought the games book at a bookstore when it was closing and got a good deal on it. Of course, it is in a box, somewhere, a victim of our recent move.